Book Review: Unveiling the myths of parenting

An excerpt from Intentional Parenting by Samuel Kanja

Parenting is a journey filled with love, challenges, and constant learning.

However, many parents struggle under the weight of common misconceptions that create unrealistic expectations. Here are some of the most widespread parenting myths and the truths behind them.

1. Children’s fears are just a phase

It’s easy to dismiss a child’s anxieties as temporary, but the truth is that their fears are real and should be acknowledged. Instead of brushing them off, parents should offer reassurance and help children develop coping mechanisms.

2. Perfect parenting exists

The pursuit of perfection in parenting is unrealistic. There is no flawless approach—every parent makes mistakes, faces challenges, and learns along the way. Consistency, balance, and adaptability matter more than perfection.

3. Good parenting means keeping children happy always

Ensuring that children are constantly happy is neither practical nor beneficial. Experiencing a full range of emotions, including sadness, frustration, and boredom, is essential for emotional resilience and personal growth.

4. One-size-fits-all parenting works

Every child is unique, and so is every family. What works for one child may not work for another. Effective parenting requires flexibility and adaptation to suit a child’s individual needs.

5. Good parenting equals complete control

Parenting is not about controlling a child’s every move but about guiding them with boundaries while allowing them to develop independence. As children grow, especially into young adulthood, they need more autonomy—but parents can still play a supportive role.

6. Good parents always put their children first

While prioritizing children’s well-being is important, self-care is equally essential. Parents who neglect their own needs risk burnout, which can ultimately affect their ability to provide nurturing and supportive care. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

7. Parenting alone determines a child’s outcome

Parents play a vital role in shaping their children, but they are not the only influence.

A child’s development is also shaped by genetics, environment, peers, and society. While parents can guide, they cannot control every aspect of their child’s life.

8. Parenting comes naturally and is easy

Some aspects of parenting may feel instinctive, but overall, parenting is a learned skill that requires patience, practice, and growth. Seeking guidance and support is both normal and necessary.

9. Parenting is always enjoyable

Parenting is deeply rewarding, but it also comes with moments of stress, exhaustion, and frustration. The reality is that parenting is a mix of highs and lows, and that’s completely normal.

10. Children are a reflection of their parents

While parents influence their children, kids are individuals with their own personalities, choices, and autonomy. Their achievements—or struggles—aren’t solely a reflection of their parents’ efforts.

11. Good parents raise perfect children

Even the most attentive and loving parents may have children who face challenges. Not all ‘good’ children come from great parenting, and not all ‘difficult’ children result from bad parenting.

12. Parenting gets easier over time

While some aspects of parenting become less demanding, each stage brings new challenges. Parenting is an evolving journey, requiring ongoing learning and adaptation.

13. Parenting ends when children become adults

Parental responsibilities shift as children grow, but guidance and support continue into adulthood. Even as children become independent, parents still play a significant role in their lives.

14. Imitating successful parents guarantees success

No two families are the same, and what works for one may not work for another. Parenting should be tailored to the unique needs of each child rather than copying others’ methods blindly.

15. Spending more time with children means knowing them better

While spending time together is important, it doesn’t always mean parents fully understand their children. Kids may still have thoughts and experiences they don’t openly share. Maintaining open communication and being observant is key.

Breaking free from parenting myths

Recognizing these misconceptions allows parents to approach parenting with realistic expectations, self-compassion, and a willingness to learn. Parenting is not about being perfect—it’s about being present, adaptable, and supportive.

Samuel Kanja

Counselling Psychologist & Life Coach Author, Intentional Parenting
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